When Panic Sets In

Sooo this weekend I went to Boston for a reunion. First things first, I had an AWESOME time. It was my 1st time to Boston and there was so much to do in such a little bit of time, but I didn't feel too overwhelmed. It was a wonderful getaway...until I tried to get home. It is no secret to anyone that I hate flying...with a passion! I've been terrified of flying since I was a kid and PanAm starting dropping out of the sky and that plane of kids going to Europe crashed in the ocean. They never found all of the plane. Just bits & pieces. Anyway, those are the thoughts that plague my mind when the idea of flying crosses my mind. Waaaaaay in the back is the fear of a 9/11-type of event. Those unexplained crashes that nobody sees coming and no one understands, they stick out. Anyway, so I had fully prepped myself mentally & emotionally for taking an express flight to Boston and back home. Low & behold, my home-bound flight gets cancelled & I had to take 2 planes to get home 5 hours later than I was originally scheduled to get home. After I had a full on panic attack at the airport while my ticketing was altered by the rep, after calling my mom & crying in her ear for a couple of minutes and trying to get myself together, I get on the planes to get home. Thankfully, I arrived safely without incident, but I walked away from RIC feeling like a fool ultimately b/c not only did I lose my cool, but I lost it in a very public setting. The fact that I was miles away from home & without the help & comfort of my mom had a great deal to do with it, but I cannot remember being in a situation where I was such an emotional wreck and completely out of control (by my standards). I mean, I wasn't screaming or falling out of anything, but not being able to stop the flow of tears in a public setting (for someone who DOES NOT cry in public) was unnerving and quite humiliating. So the question I have more for myself than anyone else is, what do I need to do so that I don't lose my mind when panic and fear kick in? I hardly ever panic and I have 1 fear. I do often stress over things, but I can handle that, I deal with it all the time. Panic is new, uncharted territory that, to be quite honest, I'm not a fan of. Typically, when I stress, a book or a call to my mom, or music will calm me down. It took a long time for all of the above to take effect and reduce my level of anxiety. The fact of the matter is, I made it home safely. I've made it home safely each time I've flown, hence me still being here today, but that doesn't stop the fear and anxiety from presenting itself each time I even THINK about flying, much less get to the airport and wait for the plane to get in & take off. I need to figure out how to deal with this. I would hate to have my fear take over so much of my life that it continues to limit me. Let's face it, I haven't been anywhere that can't be reached rather quickly by car or bus in a long time. There are places I want to go & things I want to experience, but this fear of flying is seriously limiting me. I freaked a little bit traveling over the water on the way to Boston...how in the world am I going to handle the Atlantic whenever I make it to Germany? Lord help me!!!